Franz Marie Cruz’s Diary

Do you believe in fairytales? I do and I know one that is unfolding right in front of my eyes. This one has all the ingredients of a true fairytale, well maybe except for the pea, frog or evil stepmom. It’s of my friend, G. We’ve known each other for only 5 years (not much really, compared to my other friends who I’ve known for more than half my life). We started out as groupmates early in first year of med school and later on became sisses by choice. We both live in QC and we shared those long rides to and from parties which were the perfect time to bond and I consequently got to know her story.

She admits she started from not-so-great beginnings. Her mother was forced to raise her and her younger sister all by herself by by selling jewelries. It was a simple and happy life. Her mother eventually married and she was loved by both her mom and her stepdad.

She got a good education. But she was an exceptional student. She finished her college education with a degree in PT. She then ranked #2 in her PT boards. She started med school and finished on top of her class. She then placed 2nd on the medical board exams. But there’s more. This girl, the princess in this fairytale, is a dancer and a model. She didn’t spend the 5 years of med life just studying. She is a choreographer, front row and center dancer of our school’s dance troupe, a model (and I don’t mean a role model, which she actually also is, but a catwalk/runway/clothes model), and a very active member and prominent figure of our sorority. She is beauty and brains and grace.

But of course, the princess, just like all princesses in other fairytales, just can’t be only about beauty and brains, she has to have a pure heart and a good soul and everything in between. And this one does. She is a good friend, a kind and compassionate person with no mean or spiteful bone in her body. With all her blessings, she never brags but is only thankful and more than willing to share them with people around her.

But every fairytale has to have a prince in it too. And so, to whisk this princess to her happy ending is a prince of her perfect match. They are to be married late this year after a whirlwind romance. The story of which may be the very core of this fairytale. I’ve been reminiscent and I could remember very vividly her reluctance on going out to with him for the first time on a blind date arranged by common friends, who have already tried to set her up with 2 other dates previously. I encouraged her to go, remembering distinctly saying, maybe third time is the lucky charm (or something like it). Anyway, they did go out, were inseparable 3 weeks later and got engaged less than a year later. They’re now planning this magnificent wedding on November this year.

It’s kinda amazing to see these things happen in front of your eyes, however jaded one can become. Galing lang, some people do get what they deserve and this girl is getting just what she deserves and so much more. Don’t you just love to be able to tell a fairytale, especially one that is very much real?

Let’s get morbid this time. I’ve this feeling that my death will involve stairs and my love for tall footwear in a freakin’, freakish accident. Hehehe. I’ve been cautious and a bit afraid of going down and even climbing up stairs lately especially after the 2 stair accidents I had early this year.

The first one was scary. I was wearing my mom’s sandals with 1.5 inch skinny heels and my friend and I were alighting down a flight of stairs at Greenhills after buying pirated CDs at the 2nd floor when the heel of my mom’s left shoe broke and I came crashing down (er, diving would be a more desciptive word), head first down from a height of 2 meters or about at least 10 steps! For the briefest millisecond, when I realized that there’s nothing I can hold on to to break my fall, I knew I was going to hit my face on the hard cement at the bottom of the stairs and it was fuggin scary. Having been exposed to the ER and seen various trauma patient, I also knew it is possible that I could lose my consciousness, suffer really bad head injury and worst, need plastic surgery for reconstruction for whatever face injury. (Not counting pa the possible fractures anywhere else in my body). All these thoughts rushed in my head in that millisecond as I came head down the stairs. But because of the angel on my shoulder who has been looking after me for as long as I have lived (hey, I’ve been reciting the "Angel ofGod, my guardian dear…" prayer every night since my mom taught me how to pray when I was a kid), none of that happened. A guy with his girlfriend was at that time just going up the stairs when I came crashing down on his thighs! His thighs broke my fall and I was literally hugging his thighs! When I finally got my composure back (hmmm, how do you say, nahimasmasan?), I was too embarrassed to face this God-sent person that I couldn’t look up to his face. I remember talking to his shoes, saying "I’m okay" and "thank you" to a pair of mocha colored suede loafers. His companion’s shoes were pink doll shoes with oversized ribbons on the toe end. (And so to whoever these 2 persons are, THANK YOU again!) I still have a map-shaped, light purple, slightly depressed deformity over my lower left anterior leg as a token of that incident.

The second accident was stupid. I was running late for the 7am conference in OB. I was wearing this time a black flat sandals. I made a stupid mistake of looking at my watch as I was going up a 3 or 4 step stairs. But my sandals got caught somewhere or did I lose my footing(?) when I fell and landedon both of my knees and hands this time. The papers in my folder went flying and so did some contents of my duty bag. Buti nalang, the only people who witnessed my fall were 3 strangers: 1 security guard and 2 bantay. I have not yet reached the summary rounds and I already have dirt on my pants legs!

Yes, I know, I am lampa and I have 2 left feet-same reasons why I am not a dancer.

Quarter-life crisis — I thought I would be immune from this.  Five months ago, I was tucked in my happy, little, simple world of medical school.  I thought my life was already laid out in front of me.  I’d finish my internship, earn my MD, pass the boards, start my residency training with the long-term end goal of practicing my profession as a private specialist.  Syempre, I would somehow jumble in there finding a mate (nyarharharhar….) and starting my own family (but then, that’s an althogether totally  different blog topic).

My friends and cousins, most of them working, have at one point experienced the "QLC".  They suddenly started reevaluating their life, accomplishments, their job and their goals in life.  They contemplated on quitting their well-paying, decent jobs.  They bought books and forwarded emails on this subject.  I never fully understood them, anyway, until now. 

I find myself at a crossroad now.  My life pala isn’t as laid-out and planned as I thought it was.  There are just so many options!  I do not know which to take. Do I stay here and pursue my Ophtha application in PGH, start my 3-year residency training next month (kung tanggapin)?  But there are so many things that I still want to do! Taking a year off may not be such a bad idea after all.  I could travel, take the MLE, moonlight at Boracay(?), find employment elsewhere.  Or I could take USMLE and apply for a residency program in the US? or New Zealand? Australia? Or stay in the Philippines and apply at a different hospital and/or different specialization altogether (IM? Pedia? St Lukes? PCMC?). I don’t know.  I’m just scared of taking the wrong road, of regretting my decision someday.  My mom has been pushing me to take the MLE, she says it’s difficult to establish and maintain a private practice in the Philippines.  I should have the good sense to listen to her, after all, she is an urban specialist MD.  But then, life would not be easier abroad, away from my family and friends in a totally different culture.

Sometimes I’m thankful that I’m single.  My decision is my own.  I don’t have to consider anybody else’s plans/wants in mapping out my life.  But then sometimes I wish someone would decide for me.  Grrrr….

I did say magpapainom ako if I pass the boards.  So, the "party" will be on sept 10, this saturday, 9 pm at my house and basta "friendster" kita, ur invited. ahahaha.   

We had our first basic course session in Ophtha yesterday.  It’s actually a series of lectures spread over the whole month of September given by the ophtha consultants in PGH to their applicants (there were 20 of us! EeeK! and only 8 or 9 slots!!! Double eeek!), 1st year residents from various institutions plus ophthalmologists reviewing for their subspec boards.  So we filled their conference room to the brim.  Ang weird lang.  The feeling was very surreal and out-of-this-world.  The lectures were so sub-sub-specialize, um, we’ll be learning about the eye and the diseases involving the eye alone.  I wish I had more stock knowledge in this field too.  It feels like I’m back to square one –> Walang alam (even after 5 years of medical school and studying for the boards!).   But then, kaya nga, we are made to attend this course, para when we do start rotating in the clinics, we’d hopefully be able to diagnose and give the proper treatment to our patients.    Actually, the 3 consultants who lectured yesterday were cool and funny.  Sana ganun din sila when we meet them again in the clinics.  hehehe.

And ow, one of my bestfriends from highschool just got engaged.  ahahahaha..   who would have thought that J would be the first one to tie the knot among the initial 4! nyayahahaha.  the girl who almost swore never to marry, when we were 13. my friend who never admitted she had any crush until she was in her early twenties, and at the most, she’d point out that this guy is cute.  my friend who claims to be ruled by her good senses is actually the most sentimental and biggest dreamer of all.  congratulations J!  i’m happy you’re getting your happy ending because it’s what you deserve.