Franz Marie Cruz’s Diary

So far, orientation to the 3-year residency program of Ophtha in PGH has been OVERWHELMING and INTIMIDATING. As an incoming first year resident I’ll start out at the bottom rung, the scum in the food chain and even after 4 years of premed and 5 years of med school, I am back to square one and with a clean slate. It is scary. I am very much anxious about the coming year. Foremost of my apprehensions is the fear of the mistakes I am bound to make and its consequences and repercussions. I just hope they won’t be as grave as to cause any disability to my patients and that every future mistake is the first and last of its kind. Lesson learned guaranteed. I am scared of getting on the bad side of my seniors, of becoming the target of their anger. Even before I was accepted to the department, I was already faced with 2 big hurdles: to disprove my unfavorable psych report and to measure up to my consultants’ expectations of me. When I think about the challenges and workload that lie ahead of me (and right now it’s as vague as the images seen by a highly myopic person without corrective lenses) and I begin to doubt myself and the decisions I am making, I just try to remember the valuable "lessons" I learned from my "application period" in Phi. Perform to the utmost of my abilities. Never settle for mediocrity. Show the right attitude towards work, my patients, and my seniors and batchmates AT ALL TIMES. Humility, sensitivity, resourcefulness, academic integrity, etc. Take one day at a time. (But in my case, it is more like one morning at a time as Ophtha residents start their day real early… 5ish am and it’s always so hard for me to get out of bed before 8am…. I abuse my snooze until I find myself later on rushing to get on my post on time). Anyway, it is just a year and I will be getting the BEST possible training in the ONLY department I like in PGH and in the Philippines. They’ve said over and over again that first year is the most difficult year but also that it’ll only get better past it. Besides, I really can’t see myself as any other else than an ophtha resident in PGH. But hell, it is still scary. I do not know anything. Everything is so expensive. Ganun pa rin, I just hope this is really God’s plan for me.

Chic lit that is worth your money: Bergdorf Blondes by Plum Sykes. The lead character is as shallow, unbelievable (can there be really a person such as her?) and inwardly flawed as Sophie Kinsella’s protagonist in her Shopaholic Series, Rebecca Bloomsomething. The storyline is not original either. It’s size 2 Bridget Jones turned into a society girl (Paris Hilton?) with 3 Hugh Grant characters before she and Colin Firth character end up together at the end. But Plum Sykes makes up for it by using the funniest, most original, albeit shallow, metaphors like:

"It’s like the place looks really cute , but in reality it’s a minefield to my shoes. The fact is that it’s more like Wuthering Heights there than Emma most of the time."

"I have to say that the place was totally giving Gosford Park."

"He was totally giving Orlando Bloom."

And expressions such as:

Beyond

used as in " I so looove your (input any designer shoes) shoes. It so beyond."

SPDV

. At a party you may scout the crowd and say "SPDV". Same people, different venue.

Glam

and icky are opposite adjectives. "Eeew, that look is last season. It’s so icky." or "I want to be like her. She’s so glam."

If you liked the movie Clueless, you just might like this book.

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I think Jennifer Weiner is overrated. For someone who has written a book that already has been adapted into a movie, her latest book Little Earthquakes is a mediocre. Yeah, I may not relate at all with the emotions and tribulations experienced by new moms but definitely this is no Waiting to Exhale or Amy Tan’s The Joy Luck Club or The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. But I could forgive her for that, consider it a fluke or something. So I try another book of hers, Good in Bed. I’m almost halfway and it’s pretty much disappointing and quite banal. The title doesn’t say much of the story. The first half of the book dealt about heartbreak and everything that one feels and resorts to when a relationship ends: from bitterness, depression, denial to going after the guy. I’ve read a number of books about the same thing already, I witnessed friends undergo the same series of emotions and there’s frankly nothing new in this book. I’m losing patience with the lead character, Cannie Shapiro, and the book plus the author. It’s not even witty or funny; forget original it is so NOT. C.S. is just plain bitter and depressed, it’s making me feel that way too. Her character is so uninteresting. She yaks on and on about the same thing for I don’t know how many pages (way too many if you ask me). I can’t take it anymore. You know what it is like to have an acquaintance (not even a friend ha) tell you about a small short segment of his/her life over and over again, obsessing every detail about it to you. Well, that’s exactly how it feels like reading this friggin book. Spare me your frigging problems on your weight and your ex and get on with your boring life. Problem is, I can’t NOT finish the book. I did start it and want to see her through. And yeah, you shouldn’t critique a book when you’re only halfway through it, but….

Oh freak, the Gaghan family almost got eliminated! They came in 2nd to the last or 7th place.  Sadly the Aiello family got to the pit stop last and was eliminated.  I like them pa naman.  They’re 4 sweet men.  Who I am not particularly liking are the Weaver family (half the members are Ward 7 material) and Paulo family (shrilly mom and whiny son). 

I am really admiring the Gaghan mom and dad.  They’re very patient and encouraging with their kids.  You won’t hear any negative criticisms from them, nor have they raised their voice on each other or anyone in the race so far.  They’re kinda boring actually compared to the other families, if not for their cute kids.

Clearly, I am loving this show.

I’m loving my 6 weeks old mini-iPod. When it comes to computers and gadgets, I might as well have been born in the 1950s; in other words, I’m next to illiterate. So it is only very recently that I discovered and learned how to use a form of peer-to-peer software to download mp3s via the net. Kewl. With my iPod-mini, I can listen and sing along to my favorite songs anytime I want, from the Madonna hits I listened to in highschool to Gwen Stefani’s latest releases. I’m even jogging more often lately so I can jog with my new toy. I also don’t mind waiting as long as I have it with me, fully charged.

I love chocolates and don’t quite understand people who don’t. I used to prefer Cadbury over anything else. Milky Way’s #2 in my list. I used the phrase "used to prefer" as lately I have been buying and munching nothing but Hershey’s milk chocolate. The Hershey’s happiness commercial is most effective, don’t you agree? I first saw them on cable when I’d catch my daily dose of Friends rerun back when I was studying for the boards. After that it seems that I have only been buying and craving for a bar of their milk chocolate at least once every week. I also know of someone who is on a low-carb diet but wasn’t able to resist his sweet tooth and just had to give in and get himself a Hersheys bar.

"I eat Hersheys when I’m hungry, studying, reading, bored, when I need an energy boost just before I jog or after jogging, for dessert, or when I’m just simply craving for it."

I can’t stop talking about the latest season of The Amazing Race: The Family Edition. I can hardly wait for Wednesdays to come. I’m rooting for the Gaghan family with the 2 cute, adorable, able, and competitive kids. I hope they don’t get eliminated. Would it be too much to ask that they win the race? Though I’m very much hoping they’ll fly out of the USA in the next episode. The race is turning out much like an educational trip with stops at historical landmarks in the US.

(Other TV shows that I have incorporated in my weekly schedule are Wonderfalls, House M.D., Medical Investigation, Friends reruns, Desperate Housewives and How do I look on the Lifestyle Channel.)

I saw a dog curled in the middle of Commonwealth Avenue early this morning.  He probably got too frightened to cross the road.  I wanted to get out of the car and rescue him.  But that would be crazy as I wa speeding past and I literally just got straight out of bed some 20 minutes earlier, still in my pantulog, hair uncombed… (you get the picture).  I wished there was a number I can call who will rescue the dog but sadly I do not know the number of the local police.  I hope he was somehow rescued, got to the safe side of the road, not hit and is well.

I had my interview with the chair of Ophtha this morning.  He said, "Big problem, you’re rank #1 but you flunked the psych exam." I got a "NOT RECOMMENDED" rating from our psych examineer. My personality it seems did not fit the profession. 

We took the psych exam some 2 weeks ago.  It consisted of 4 parts.  From the thematic portion of the exam, wherein we were asked to write a 3/4 of a bond paper length short story each about 4 pictures, my results showed that it seemd my interest/talent is in Journalism. And that there was vagueness in my plans in life and career, ergo, whether I should really pursue Ophtha vs Journalism as a career — DUH?!?! 

The 2nd part of the exam asked us to each draw a person after which we were then instructed to draw another person of the opposite sex of the first one.  Interpretations from this part of the exam showed that I’ve ok sexual orientation (you can bet on it) since the 1st person I drew belonged to the same gender as I am. (It turned out that you may have homosexual tendencies if the 1st drawing was a person belonging of the opposite sex or if you were a guy who included too much detail in your drawing.)  Both of my drawings showed persons drawn with their profiles only, in seating position and only up to their waist (as I ran out of space/paper).  This was interpreted as I being deceitful, lazy/passive and not willing to take responsibilities.  This was pretty hilarious.  I’m not an artist to begin with, I don’t draw very well, so I copied a female character from 1 of the pictures the examineer handed out earlier and it was of a woman seated and facing sideways.  For the male character, since I couldn’t find a male person among the pictures she gave us that remotedly interested me, I sketched my seatmate (a co-applicant whose name shall be protected) who was at that time seated and busy doing his drawings. 

The other parts were a 560+ item True/False exam (wherein I got an invalid result and a headache) and another 160 points exam wherein they found me average in most aspects except in intelligence and heedlessness.

Haay…. you can never really be too sure about anything.